The Rooster Tales

by kenny lee hall

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    Bonus item....So there's humans....Chickens.... AND Meg the Wonderpup in " I Love Bein' a Dog"

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People bein' people....Chickens being chickens

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released April 12, 2015

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about

kenny lee hall Saint Charles, Missouri

Kenny Lee Hall is a Missouri native writing songs that just make you smile, shake your head a bit, then smile bigger. A wordsmith for sure.

Kenny Lee is currently working on his 2nd CD and doing local shows in the St. Louis area. The shows and songs are lot’s of fun and always draw folks in who didn’t know they were going out to have their loads lightened a bit.
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Track Name: Right or Happy
Vs Well I was sittin up on an ol’ bar stool,
when some ol’man from some old school
sat next to me an he ordered us a round
Vs He said “It ain’t my business none
I couldn’t help but notice son
Did you lose both your best friend AND your hound?”
Vs ‘N I said “No they both still hangin round,
It’s that woman that’s got me down,
She just can’t admit it when she’s wrong
Vs Then he leaned back an’ he tipped his hat
An’ he grinned real big an’ he said “Oh that”
Then he started in to singin’ this here song
Chorus Do you wanna be right, or do you wanna be happy?
You get to pick, it’s up to you, but you gotta pick one, you don’t get to pick two.
You can wear a big ol’ grin or go round feelin’ crappy
Do you wanna be right, or do you wanna be happy?
Vs Well it wadn’t too long after that,
we was a goin at it like a dog an’ a cat
‘Bout somethin’ now I can’t even recall
Vs But never the less, we was a fightin’,
arguin’ about who was wrong an’ right an’
It struck me that we wasn’t havin’ no fun at all
Vs Now to tell the truth it was gettin’ old
With nothin’ but my ground to hold
A cold and lonely piece of real estate
Vs And then that song popped in my head
‘N I ‘membered what the old man said
And immediately it began to reverberate
Chorus Do you wanna be right……
Vs So I asked myself I said “Self” I said
“You like sleepin’ in a empty bed?”
And my self said “No, I don’t care much for it none”
Vs And I made up my mind right then and there
That she could be right, heck I didn’t care
‘N that’s when we started havin’ a lot more fun
Chorus Do you wanna be right……..
Vs Now that was forty some odd years ago
An’ I don’t know much but this I know
I’m about happy as one old boy can be
Vs An’ I hate to see a young man suffer
So before things get a whole lot rougher
Why don’t you try singin along with me…..
Chorus Do you wanna be right…….
Track Name: Gitsum
If you get up in the mornin’ baby, you know I’m gonna get up too
Cuz if you up an I’m up then baby we both up n there’s just one thing we gonna do……..
We gonna get some ……coffee, get some coffee….
You like it sweet and I like it hot, c’mon baby would you like a little shot? ….of coffee

Now you lie there in bed like you won’t never get up, pull them covers way up over your head
‘n I know that we ain’t goin’ no where ….til I bring you you’re coffee in bed
So I,ll set the timer the night before I set some cups out on the counter too
I set straight up when I smell that smell…..an’ I know what I got to do
I gotta get us some coffee, get some coffee…
You like it sweet, an’ I like it hot, c’mon baby let’s drink us a pot……of coffee

Now it ain’t nuthin but boilin’ water poured down on a roasted bean
But if you out an’ lookin’ for a fight just try to get between……me….and….my…..coffee
You like it sweet and I like it hot, c’mon baby let’s drink us a pot…..of coffee

Now some folks say they love the way it smells but they don’t care much for the taste
Some folks load it up with sugar and cream and I think that’s a terrible waste
Some folks drink it all day long …say it don’t bother them, not at all
If I drink me more than 2 or 3 cups I’ll be climbing right up the wall…..
To get to some more coffee…….I’m goin’ for coffee baby
You like it sweet and I like it hot, c’mon baby let’s drink the whole pot ….of coffee

Now it ain’t nuthin’ but boilin’ water poured down on a roasted bean
But if you out an’ lookin’ for a fight you just try to get between….me …and …my …coffee
You like it sweet and I like it hot, come baby are you ready or not, this is gonna be good
I just put on a pot of…..Your favorite thing in the whole wide world beside me baby....... coffee
Track Name: Saratoga Rose
I needed a change, so I moved to Saratoga
I’za little out of shape, so I signed up for some yoga
When I saw the instructor, I swear it was love at first sight, at least for me

So I laid out my mat right there front and center
And I stuck out my chest so she could see a little better
she said “ Why don’t you come on up and demonstrate positions with me”?

She tied me up in a knot with some special yoga poses
And she whispered in my ear “Do you like the smell of roses”?
Then she rolled out her mat, pretty much right in front of mine.

She stretched out a bit and she slid into a pose
That strategically pointed her backside towards my nose
And what happened next is ….. hard to believe.

Her Down Dog started barkin’……Right there where she was parkin’
I’m glad there wasn’t nothin’ sparkin’……..Her Down Dog was a barkin’

Now I know it’s been told, so many times
How a woman see’s hers compared to how I see’s mine
I never did understand how they could think that way

So when it broke I paused and prepared to recoil
‘Spectin’ something that smelled like “Ol Moose Turd Oil”
But the scent I was pickin’ up smelled like Roses in May

She turned and she smiled and she gave me a wink
And she blew me a kiss from those lips, pretty pink
So I smiled back and I flared out my nostrils wide


Then she grunted a little and I was anticipatin’
That sweet bookay she was a percolatin’
N’ I gotta tell ya, I never been more satisfied

Her Down Dog went to barkin……Right there where she was parkin’
I’m glad there wasn’t nothin’ sparkin’……..her Down Dog was a barkin’

Then her Dog rolled over to a Ca-Mat-Kara-Sanna
N’ I said “Let’s get married” and she said “OK if you wanna”
And we exchanged flowers many times each day

I wined her and I dined her and we tied the knot
N’ life was just Rosey and we smelled it a lot
But then everything changed Much to my dismay

Cuz I heard and alarm and then I was awakened
To a terrible smell and the bed was a shakin’
N’ I realized it was all just a sweet, sweet dream

N’ I tried to get back to that sweet state of slumber
But the noise was too loud, like a buzzsaw on lumber
Of course that’s an exaggeration, but that’s kinda how it seemed


Her Down Dog was a barkin’ Right there where she was parkin’
I’m glad there wasn’t nothin’ sparkin’……Her Down Dog was a barkin’

Her Down Dog was a barkin’ Right there where she was parkin’
Sometimes I'd like to put a Cork In her Down Dog that’s a barkin’
Her Down Dog that’s a barkin’
Her Down Dog that’s a barkin’
Track Name: Mobile Home O'Phobic
My baby wants to live in a big ol’ house…
but with the state of my economy I’m afraid that might not work out.
I suggested a double-wide…..and she broke right down and she cried.
I don’t know , I think she’s Mobile Home o Phobic

So I said “C’mon baby, let’s go out for a walk”
And somehow we ended up down at the …Trailer Park
She was….visibly upset, she ain’t talkin to me yet
I don’t know , I think she’s Mobile Home o Phobic

She wants an inground pool and a privacy fence……she’s got it all worked out in her head
But at least for now, she’s gonna have to settle….for a concrete porch and an aluminum shed


Now we drove into town cuz we heard there was gonna be a parade (Wasn’t much of a parade really, just a bunch of men dressed up funny but they all seemed happy, and gay)
She just walked off shakin’ her head……and some fella turned to me and he said
“Look at her go….she’s a Mobile Home O Phobic.. (‘n I said, ”how’d you know that”?)


I caught up to my baby, she was surrounded by women
There was tall ones, short ones, fat ones and a couple of skinny n’s
My baby wasn’t bein’ very polite……..I thought them girls was alright
And even they said she was Phobic but they didn’t say nothin’ bout’ Mobile Homes


I’d like to buy her a big ol’ mansion and I will if I ever strike it get rich
But for now she gonna have ….. to settle for a house ….. that’s got wheels and a trailer hitch
And we can sit on the couch ….. on our front porch and put our feet in a blue wadin’ pool
But my baby’s Mobile Home O Phobic……so I guess that won’t keep her cool


I just keep hopin’ that someday she can change…..I know, she was probably “born” that way
She says that she just can’t help it……but she’s still my little turtle dove
She might be Mobile Home O Phobic, but she’s the one I love….
And it ain’t so bad …cuz there’s worse things that she could be afraid of
My baby’s Mobile Home O Phobic….but she’s the one ….that I love.
Track Name: Greener Grass (Cuttin' It At Home)
Well me and Ol’ Jake were sittin’ at the bar
And he was pourin’ his heart out to me
He said “I just can’t take it any more,
She’s always yappin’ and flappin’ at me

He said “But I met a gal who understands , and I think she’s the one”
He ain’t leaving his troubles behind him, yeah the worst is yet to come

Cuz the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence
But there’s so much fertilizer, and if you had a lick of sense
You’d …..do a little work in your own yard, an’ pull them weeds ya growin
Cuz the grass don’t get no greener if you ain’t cuttin’ it there at home

Well I ran into Jake again the other day, he said “Man I’m in a world of hurt”
“That little gal I was tellin’ you about, she been treatin’ me like dirt.”
He said “But that’s okay, cuz I met another gal, I (just) know that she’s the one”
I just shook his hand I said “Jake my friend, I think your troubles have just begun”

Cuz the grass…..


That Sweet green grass won’t stay that way too long
If you ain’t learnin nothin’ ‘bout how you mighta done it wrong
That sweet green grass may look good from where you sit
But you hop that fence you better watch out
you might step in it


Well I ran into Jake again the other day, at the Lawn and Garden store
He had a wheelbarrow full of work to do,
and he was headin’ back in for more.
He said “ I’m weedin’ and mowin’ and keepin’ it growin’
thank God it wasn’t all gone”
“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors grass is my motto from now on”

Cuz the Grass is always Greener
Track Name: Wrong Thing, Right Time
Well she stood with her back to the mirror
And she turned and she looked to her rear
And the words that she needed to hear
Ain’t what I said

She said “Does this dress make my butt look fat?
So I reached round and I gave it a pat
I said “ No Dear….. I don’t think it’s that
I’d say the dress is just fine

I said the wrong thing at just the right time
Now I’m in the dogs house but the dog is in mine
I said the first thing that came to my mind
I said the wrong thing at just the right time

Got pulled over I was usin’ my phone
Doin’ eighty in a con struck shun zone
N’ he asked me how fast I was goin’
I said “ If you don’t know I aint gonna tell ya

He made me get out and walk a straight line
I tripped and fell but I said I was fine
I said “ I mighta just drank too much wine”
He said “Boy, Do you think you’re funny?”


Well her girlfriend came over to visit a bit
n I thought she might like a nice place to sit
but our couch was all covered with my old ladys stuff
so I offered up my recliner

Well she smiled and she said “No thank you” (and I said)
“Well you should” and “When’s that baby due” (and she said)
“I ain’t pregnant” she sure had me fooled
I said ‘’Well I hope…you’re wrong”
Track Name: Emmitt
Emmett had a chicken… ’t wandered in my yard
I tried not to shoot it… I tried real hard
I backed into the house to leave the bird alone
‘t jumped up on the porch So I grabbed my gun

Emmett Come and get your chickens
Emmett Your birds are in my yard
Emmett Come and get your chickens
I’ll try not to shoot ‘em, I’ll try real hard

I left the screen door open and the chicken came on in
He stared at me and I stared at him
We both turned slowly the chicken and the man
He went for the porch and I went for the pan

Emmett……

He left the porch a flyin’ headed for the fence
Circled back around and in the house again
I swung the barrel to the left and I swung it to the right
I didn’t think I’d hit ‘im but then again I might

Emmett…….

I thought about the dumplins’ an’ I thought about the rice
I thought about the gravy with a little bit o’ spice
I thought about the widow lady with the 40 kids
I thought I’d give ‘em to her so that’s what I did


Emmett come and get some chicken
Emmett your birds are on the plate
Emmett come and get some chicken
Ya better hurry up or it’ll be too late.
Track Name: Whished
I wish I’da married Sweet MaryAnn
If I had…. it all to do over again
I didn’t know much what I wanted back then
I wish I’da married Sweet MaryAnn

I wish I’da loved her with all of my heart
I wish I’da promised her never to part
I wish that my life were not so darn hard
Without MaryAnn layin’ out in my yard

Hi ho….I wish I knew, Just one girl who wished she’ married me too.
Ho hi….Do you think there could be, Just one girl who wished she’d
married me?

I wish I’da married Sweet Jacqueline
I’d be in much better shape than I am
She’d cook and I’d eat and I’d not be so thin
I wish I’da married Sweet Jacqueline

I never did know how she felt about me
She was so shy and I couldn’t see
Then one day I kissed her and MAN she kissed me
Now I know how long just one kiss can be.

Hi ho.I wish I knew Just one girl who wished she’d a married me too.
Ho hi….Do you think there could be, Just one girl who wished , she’d married me?

I went and married …Sweet Kimberly
She was the best gal there ever could be
She cooked and she laid in the yard out with me
I went and married…Sweet Kimberly

Hi ho….I wish I knew… Just one girl who wished she’d a
married me too.
Ho hi….Do you think there could be, Just one girl who wished , she’d married me?
Track Name: I Got Lucky
Well it was me and the boys but it was Ladies Night out
And she was giving me something to think about
And then she waltzed up and she said “Hello”
And then she said “Do you dance” well I couldn’t say no

And I ain’t sorry but I told a lie
‘Cuz my left foot’s a left one but so it my right
And I left the boys without so much as goodbye
Now they all wanna know what I did that night

If we’re talkin’ about how we sit and we talk
If we’re talkin’ about how we laugh when we walk
If we’re talkin’ about what we doin’ with the house
I Got Lucky if that’s what we’re talkin’ about.

Well I don’t kiss and tell but the boys was a pryin’
And they all kinda figured so there ain’t no use lyin’
I guess it’s time that the truth came out
I Got Lucky if that’s what we’re talkin’ about.

Now she’s a blue ribbon I’m a booby prize’
Are we talkin’ about what she do with those eyes?
I guess it’s time that I let the cat out
I Got Lucky if that’s what we’re talkin’ about

Now she burns the biscuits and I sit and eat ‘em
And she sends me little notes but then I have to delete ‘em.
I guess it’s time that I let the cat out
I Got Lucky if that’s what we’re talkin’ about

She got me cookin’, she got me cleanin’
She got me dressing up for Halloween and
I’m making payments on a mini-van,
She got me taking out the garbage can

If we’re talkin’ about how we sit and we talk
If we’re talkin’ about how we laugh when we walk
If we’re talkin’ about what we doin’ with the house
I Got Lucky if that’s what we’re talkin’ abou,
I Got Lucky if that’s what we’re talkin’ about,
I Got Lucky if that’s what we’re talkin’ about.
Track Name: How Am I?
How am I? Everybody wants to know
Since you left me just a week ago
Well that’s a very good question How am I?
How am I? I guess you could say
You taught me a lesson when you went away
So I asked myself How am I?

How am I gonna spend extra money?
How am I to know when sumpin’ isn’t funny?
How’m I gonna know How’m I gonna tell?
It feels like heaven cuz I been through hell

How am I? Well, lemme see
You’re stuck with you ‘n I’m stuck with me
So I ask myself How am I?
How am I? I’m doin’ alright
Had a little trouble sleepin’ til the very first night
But then I asked myself How am I?

How am I to know where I wanna eat?
How am I to know where I can’t put my feet?
How’m I gonna know when I snore at night?
How’m I gonna know my socks ain’t folded right?

How am I? Well, lemme see
You’re stuck with you I’m hangin’ out with me
So I ask myself How am I?
How am I? I’m doin’ okay
Long …as …you… can please stay away
Cuz I asked myself How am I?

How am I gonna carry on?
When all of your carryin’ on is gone
How am I gonna get any rest?
When there’s no one around who is demon-possesed!

So How am I?, well lemme see
You’re stuck with you n’ I’m feelin’ free
So I asked myself How am I? Hey everybody

How am I?